Chances are you are in pain, and you need to understand the reasons behind the boyfriend break up.

First and foremost, while you may want to do a bit of soul searching to assess where you are, avoid playing the self-blame game about your boyfriend break up. The truth is that your ex has his own issues to deal with. Remember the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” when it comes to the reasons why your relationship ended.

You can spend time trying to get your ex back. If you are going to go down this route, you need to know the following things:

Avoid trying to stay in constant contact with your ex after a boyfriend break up. After all, he’s broken up with you, so he needs some breathing room. Don’t text or call him multiple times every day.

It’s okay to flirt with other guys in his presence. It may even make him want you back more.

If you do end up on a “trial” date to see if you can get back together, do be friendly and accommodating, but don’t lay on too much pressure.

However, pay attention to what your heart and intuition tell you after a boyfriend break up. If you believe deep down that it’s over, then it’s time to move on.

One of the first things you can do after your boyfriend break up is to sit down and write a long letter to him pouring out your heart. You can talk about the good times and bad. You can tell him what a jerk he is and call him all sorts of names. But, don’t mail the letter! Instead, take a candle out and burn it. This is one of the best ways to get closure after a boyfriend break up.

Next, you’ll want to trade back your property. That ratty T-shirt of his that you enjoy sleeping in? Give it back. Retrieve the econ textbook he borrowed. If there are items that are too small to exchange, like toothbrushes and other personal hygiene items, just get rid of them. If you have gifts from him, avoid the temptation to throw them away and just store them for now. You want to eliminate anything around you that might remind you of him. Also, make sure to sort out any money issues if one of you owes the other, and separate any joint checking or credit accounts.

After the property exchange is completed, make an agreement that you won’t communicate with each other for a period of thirty days. This can be a challenge if you typically see each other every day. This is a difficult but necessary part of getting some much needed space after a boyfriend break up.

A boyfriend break up is perhaps one of the most painful things you can go through, but it isn’t the end of the world. In fact, you might think of it as a new beginning and realize that you are now free to meet the one who will truly be your soul mate.

Of course, you shouldn’t jump to the conclusion that just because you’ve gone through a boyfriend break up that all of the doors are firmly shut. If you think you have a shot of winning him back and that’s something you want, you should by all means take the opportunity to do so.

True love can even survive a boyfriend break up.