Flirting With Words: For Men, Part 4
A major, and often forgotten, part of being a good flirt lies in the LISTENING part. I went over what not to say in the last article. In this one, I’ll cover what you should be doing when you aren’t speaking at all.
This is so important, being a good listener. By truly showing interest in her, you will be able to connect better, and you will be given time to assess what is happening on the silent level. You’ll be able to check the direction of flirtation and be ready to guide it if necessary.
It’s not all about shutting up and letting the other person talk, in other words. You are responsible for providing some feedback to them with verbal and non verbal signals alike.
The main thing these signals show is that you are paying attention and are interested. If you can’t show these, don’t be surprised if the conversation shuts down and the woman closes off.
So what are good signals of feedback? Nodding, smiling, showing responsive facial expressions, and leaning into the person (correctly timed), all play a part of it. All convey interest and attention.
Verbally, well timed expressions help, normally ones of agreement. Saying “uh-huh” quickly, or “ah”, will display interest when timed right.
This isn’t just for talking to women – it’s for anyone. These signals are useful in a situation such as a job interview. They are considerably powerful tools, and hence, very important in your arsenal.
Here’s another fantastic technique – the paraphrase. Summarize what she said back to her. “So wait, you were stuck in the bank when a robbery occurred? What was that like?” If the woman you are speaking with is being shy about things, this will help open her up a bit.
If you do try the above tactic, make sure you end with an open ended question rather than a closed. In other words, if they can say yes or no, then it’s closed ended. The idea is to get them to respond with an explanation, and keep talking.
A good way to remember this is to think of the words Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why. They are the interrogative words that, when used, require more than yes or no to be used in response.
So what we need to know, when it comes to listening, is this: we are trying to appear that we are paying attention and interested. It’s normally a good idea if you are regardless ( I tend not to waste my time if I’m not interested).
As well, with your nonverbal and verbal responses, you propel the conversation along, and sending the messages to her that she’s worth talking to.
The key again is practice. Be AWARE of her while flirting. Listen to what she says. Pay attention to the content. And TRY to take an active interest in her!
Try the above, and she’ll usually reciprocate. If you are doing a lot of things right, you’ll probably get a sense of rapport, and that is DEFINITELY what you want while flirting!
Work on your listening skills. Practice, hone them, and it will pay off in droves. Next article, I’ll show you the step after this, reciprocal disclosure, which is very important in the final stages of flirting, and the use of humor, which is equally so!